With My Life
by movienerd1174
Summary: A certain hostage negotiator comes out of retirement to help the SVU team get Noah back... someone has to have Liv's back, right?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey y'all! I wanted to write a two part story centering around the episode premiering on January 3rd and I asked my fellow SVU fanatics on twitter if I should wait until the episode airs or if I should just wing and the decision was unanimous. So here is me winging it ;) hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

Shifting the gear of his SUV into park, Ed took a deep breath as he took in the scene in front of him. He watched as a dozen or so HNT officers setting up a perimeter and a mobile command post in the opening of the secluded woodlands.

Ed had gotten the call a mere three hours ago, the call stating that some crazed man kidnapped Noah and brought him to this remote cabin upstate. He was in the car before he even hung up the phone.

As he hopped out of the vehicle, Carisi quickly approached him. "Thanks for coming up, Cap. She wanted the best."

"Don't mention it." He muttered, slipping on the NYPD winter jacket he retrieved from the back of his SUV. His eyes were immediately drawn to Olivia who was several yards away with Fin by her side. She was looking ahead with a blank look on her face, trying her best to pay attention to the comforting words her partner was saying. "So what do we got?" He asked, tearing his eyes away from her.

Sonny's eyebrows pulled together, unsure how he should approach this debriefing but the no nonsense look on Ed's face told him he was all business. "Noah Benson, five years old." He began and they stalked towards the command post. "Kidnapped from the department store while shopping with his grandmother."

That caused Ed to stop in his tracks. "Wait, what?" He implored, confusion marring the features of his face.

"Ellie's mother." Carisi clarified. Ed blinked rapidly, shaking his head as he tried to wrap his mind around this information. "The assailant, Jake Keller, thirty two years old. We have had some contact with the him but it's been extremely limited. He seems hyped up, not sure if it's the situation or if he's tweaking."

The older man nodded, absorbing every morsel for information given to him. "Did he give any clue to what his motive is?"

Sighing, Sonny shook his head. "He's not cooperating much. But he said something about being Noah's father."

"The courts said that Johnny D..."

"We know that." He interrupted. "I just don't think he does."

Scaling the steps of the mobile command post, Carisi went to go open the door of the trailer but stopped when he noticed he wasn't being followed. "Cap?"

His fierce blue eyes were trained on the cabin in question about a 100 yards away. "See if you can bring the portable out here. I want to keep an eye on the perimeter as well." He explained as his eyes fell to the woman that has invaded his mind everyday for the last eighteen months.

"Sure thing", Sonny nodded before disappearing into the trailer.

* * *

Less than a half an hour later, the pitiful hostage negotiation team that the small town provided had debriefed Ed before heading back into the trailer to monitor the impending communication. He secured the headset on his ear while the remainder of the SVU squad gathered around him. There were several moments where he could feel Olivia's eyes on him but he tried his best to avoid them. Nothing could affect him quite the way she did and he knew that he had to stay sharp and focused.

One of the local officers stuck his head out from behind the open tin door of the command trailer. "We're ready when you are, Captain Tucker."

Inhaling deep through his nose, he nodded as he heard the dial tone echo through the headset. Olivia was standing behind him, holding a receiver tentatively up to her ear. Sensory overload had almost overtaken him. The sound of the phone ringing through the small speaker was deafening, the tension from Olivia's body coming off her in waves, the feeling of the balmy air nipping at the exposed skin of his neck.

His heart stopped as someone picked up the line. "Who is this?" The harsh voice snapped from the other end.

"Jake, this is Captain Ed Tucker." Ed answered, his voice was cool silk. "I've heard that you have some demands. I'm here to see that everyone gets what they want."

The line was quiet save for the haggard breathing coming from the opposite side. "You're gonna help me?" His rough voice was skeptical outlined with the slightest bit of hope.

"I am but you have to do something for me first, bud. I need to know that Noah is unharmed." Jake scoffed into the receiver as he paced back and forth. "Just let me hear his voice."

There was a shuffling on the other end of the line and he felt a jolt of electricity as Olivia steadied herself by pressing a soft hand against the lower back of his winter jacket. "Tell them you're okay." Jake demanded in the background. When nothing but silence followed, his voice became more harsh. "I said tell them you're okay!"

"I'm okay." Noah whimpered quietly, his breathing pattern interrupted by his hiccuping cries.

A soft sob escaped Olivia's lips as her fingers gripped the rough material of his jacket. His breath caught at the feeling of her being so close, so dependent on him. "That's great. Thanks, Jake." Ed responded when he finally willed himself to breathe.

"Enough with the phone." Jake growled. "You want to talk, you come in here. No wire, no gun. Just you, only you." And then the line went dead.

Sighing defeatedly, Ed ripped the headset off and hung his head. He turned around and was met with red rimmed eyes, eyes that have seen into the depths of his soul. All of his instincts were yelling at him to stay professionally composed, not to let her get to him but his resolve was cracking.

Placing a reserved hand on her shoulder, he looked her in the eyes. "We'll get him." He reassured. His voice stoic as if he were talking to any other mother of a victim, not someone he once thought was the love of his life. He couldn't bring himself to look at her for long so he brushed passed her and headed into the trailer.

His brain had won this battle but his heart was still a strong contender in the war.

* * *

The loud tear of the thick velcro echoed through the command trailer as he looked into the mirror, securing the bulletproof vest to his body. The door of the trailer creaked open and Ed's eyes as well as the eyes of the other officers inside were drawn to Olivia as she entered.

"Can you give us a minute, guys?" Olivia requested. Her voice held the authority it always had despite the sadness weighing it down. The officers nodded and murmured their compliance as they exited.

Ed forced himself to look back at the mirror as she approached him. He felt the heat of her body close to him as she took hold of the velcro straps at his side. "Will you at least look at me?" She pleaded, pulling the straps taunt and securing the teflon armor to his body. Exhaling, his eyes fell closed as his body jerked slightly at the force of her fastening the vest. "Ed?"

His eyes opened and he looked down at her, her red eyes pleading with his while her hands stayed at his waist. Her eyebrows knitted together as her eyes studied his face. His lips were a hard line and his eyes, the eyes that used to regard her with such adoration, were distant and cold. "Look, you can hate me all you want." She began. "But I want you to remember that this is Noah. The same little boy that you would take to Yankees games, the little boy that refused to go to sleep unless _you_ tucked him in."

The sound of his pulse pounded in his ears and he took a step away from her, trying to calm the irritation that rose inside of him. "You think I forgot that?" He scoffed, shaking his head.

Shrugging, her eyes widened as she watched him stand rigid a few feet away from her. "You could barely look at me."

"Because If I let myself remember that the boy in there is the one I wanted to raise as my own, I don't think I would be able to breathe." His voice broke and turned away, trying to hide the emotion evident on his face.

Walking over to him, she wrapped her hands around his forearm. "Ed?" She whispered, trying to get his attention. When he didn't respond, she slipped her hand down to intertwine with his. Taking a deep breath, he turned his head to her and her eyes softened when she saw the sorrow that radiated from his blue eyes. "I'm sorry, okay?" She began softly. "I never got to tell you how sorry I am for how we ended. But I've already lost you, I can't lose Noah too." Her voice cracked into a sob as she buried her face in his bicep, her arms hugging his.

Ed felt his resolve cracking and he turned towards her to embrace her fully. She gripped the teflon that covered his back and buried her face in his neck. The feeling of her hot breath against his skin made his body to shudder against hers. "You're not going to lose him, okay?" He whispered into her hair. She nodded her head against him before he gently pulled back to hold her at arms length. "Nothing is going to happen to him." He insisted, crouching slightly to insure her eyes met his.

"You promise?", she asked, her voice small and pitiful as tears littered her lash line.

Pushing her hair behind her ear, he pressed his lips against her forehead. "I promise you." he whispered against her skin. She folded into him, her fingers gripping the straps of the vest. "I promise you." He reaffirmed as she shifted against him, causing his lips to fall against her temple. He repeated the words over and over again and she pulled back slightly, his lips brushing against her cheek before they were mere millimeters away from hers.

Olivia's hot breath surrounded them, coming out in short pants. He couldn't tell if it was from the emotion running through her or their proximity, something was telling him it was both. "I will protect him with my life." he stated, his lips so close she could practically feel them move as he spoke.

Moving her hand to the back of his head, she pulled him to her. His nose pressed against hers, their sweet breath mingling between them. "Liv", he exhaled.

"Please", she breathed.

And just as her lips closed around his the door flew open, revealing Sonny. "They're, um, ready for you, Cap." He shifted awkwardly where he stood.

Olivia had moved away from him, burying her face in her hands as she turned her back to Carisi. "I'll be right there." Sonny nodded and quickly ducked out of the trailer, leaving them alone once again. "I, uh, better get out there." He stammered, gesturing to the door.

Nodding, she wiped the tears from her flushed cheeks. He turned to leave when she grabbed his hand. "When he gets anxious or scared, uh, massaging his palms always calms him down." she disclosed, demonstrating by rubbing patterns against his calloused palm.

"I remember." He muttered, offering her a sad smile.

She watched as he shrugged on his NYPD winter jacket over his bullet proof vest. The sight him how she remembered him from all those months ago making his heart clench. "Be safe", she instructed as he reached the door. "Keep him safe."

With one hand on the door, he turned back to her. His eyes a great deal softer than they had been when he looked at her earlier. "With my life." he promised, placing his hand over the left side of his chest.

With that, he slipped out the door. Olivia couldn't help the wave of emotions that washed over her, sobs taking over her body as she slid down the wall.

* * *

 **And that's part one, Ladies and Gents! I could not help sprinkling some Carisi interruptus in there! I'm dying to know what you guys think, so hit that cute little review button down there and let me know!**


	2. Chapter 2

**OH MY GAH GUYS! The amount of love I got for the first chapter of this was outstanding! I can't thank you enough for reading and sticking with the two parter!**

 **At this point we all know that it was Sheila that kidnapped Noah (THAT BITCH) but for the sake of this story lets for get that for roughly 2500+ words.**

* * *

Taking a deep breath, Ed looked at the grain of the front door to the cabin. He was so close that he could smell the essence of the aged wood. His large hands moved habitually over the gear covering him, something he did before going into a situation like this.

He checked the security of the vest strapped to his chest and the positioning of his mike before one of his hands feel to his hip. His heart stopped when he didn't feel the familiar feeling of the cool metal that's normally there. It took him less than a second to remember that he left his weapon behind at the suspect's request and he tried his best to take a calming breath.

"Jake!" He called, through the thick cabin door. "This is Ed Tucker with the negotiation team."

He could feel his senses heightening as he heard heavy footsteps approaching on the other side of the door followed by the loud click of the latch. The door opened just enough for his to see a bloodshot eye look him up an down. "You're alone?" The gruff voice asked from the other side.

"Alone, just like you asked." Ed nodded as he held him arms out. "And no gun." The other man regarded him for a long second before opening the door wider.

Stepping into the small cabin, Ed made sure to pay attention to every little detail of the space. Everywhere the scarce light touched as well as where the shadows fell. He could feel his heart leap in his chest when he spotted Noah in the corner. His back was to him and his head was bowed as he watched the tablet in his hands, a large set of headphones weaving through his mop of light brown curls.

Turning around, Ed watched as Jake latched the door and began pacing the worn wood floor. Knowing Noah was safe puts Ed's mind somewhat at rest, but the panicked man in front of him with the pistol in his shaking hand wasn't helping.

"So, uh, you're here to give me what I want want, right?" Jake stammered as he unscrewed the cap to a tequila bottle before taking a swig, the handgun never leaving his grasp.

Slipping his hands into the pocket of his work pants, Ed squared his shoulders toward the other man. "I'm here to make sure everyone wins. But most of all, I'm here to keep that boy safe."

Planting his hand on the old countertop of the island, Jake looked up at him with tired eyes. "I don't want to hurt him." He admitted softly, his shoulders sagging with defeat.

"Then tell me what you do want, bud."

Frustration radiated from the younger man as he wiped his forehead with the sleeve of his tattered jacket. "I just want my son." He gnarled lowly.

Ed took a couple of deliberate steps forward. "Noah's your son?" He asked.

Jake nodded his hung head. "I dated his mom, Ellie, for a while. Her parents never liked me. I can't blame them. I was older, we got into some drugs." He explained, scratching the side of his head with the barrel of his gun. Ed's brow furrowed, keeping a sharp eye on the brandished weapon. "It was recreational at first but she got caught up in it, started selling herself to pay for her habit. Fell in with one guy, a mean looking bastard with a scar across his forehead."

"Johnny Drake?" Ed prompted.

Despite his confusion, he nodded. "She disappeared shortly after that and I never heard from her again."

Nodding, Ed gripped the straps of his vest. "So how did you find out about Noah?"

Jake shrugged as he pulled up a stool and plopped down. "We live in a small town. Once her mom left, word started spreading. I'm not a smart man, but I know enough to figure out when that kid was made."

Grabbing a stool and mirroring his counterpart on the other side of the island, Ed sighed and clasped his hands together. "Can I tell you a story?" Ed asked and the younger man regarded him for a moment before nodding. Ed glanced back over his shoulder at Noah briefly before turning back. "I dated this woman not too long ago. We had gotten pretty serious. I, uh, I loved her. Probably more than I've ever loved anyone. She had a son. Now, I'm an old man. I closed the door on kids years ago but this boy", he paused and shook his head slightly with a small laugh, placing a hand over the teflon covering his chest, "he really got to me. His mom used to say he was my shadow. If you found me, he wouldn't be far behind."

The corner of Jake's mouth turned up just the smallest bit and Ed could see his hard exterior beginning to crack. "I had thought we were pretty serious, you know? I was staying over there most nights. I even started looking for a ring. I won't bore you with the details but things took a turn for the worse and we ended up going separate ways."

Ed watched as he placed the gun on the countertop between them before folding his arms across his chest. "No offense, Captain, what does this have to do with me?" His guard was beginning to lower and that didn't go unnoticed by Ed.

"The circumstances are different obviously. I could have put up a fight that night or still come around to see the boy but that wouldn't have been good for him. He would have been confused and ultimately hurt. What I'm saying is, no matter how much it hurts sometimes you have to just do the right thing."

Letting out a shaky breath, Jake buried his face in his hands. "I just got him back. If I turn myself in now, I'll never see him again."

"Listen", Ed sighed. "I've been doing this a long time. As crazy as it sound, if DNA proves your his father, you have a right to see him. Jail or not." Jake looked up at this with something almost familiar in his eyes. For a slight moment, Ed thought it might have been hope. "Now, you just have to ask yourself what is better for Noah; a life on the run or a stable, loving home. You're a father now, you can't think about yourself anymore."

Dissolving into a mess of tears, Jake buried his face in the crook of one arm while his other hand fell to the gun on the table. Ed's sense went into high alert a the gun being in his grasp again. Getting up from his stool, he rounded the counter slowly toward the broken man. "Give me the gun, Jake." He muttered lowly, his usually rough voice surprisingly comforting.

Jake picked his head up to look at his son in the corner. He knew Ed was right, he needed to do what was right for Noah. "C'mon, Jake." Despite the sobs shaking his body, Ed's comforting hand on his shoulder centered him. He shoved the gun across the counter and out of reach, the sound of the heavy metal echoing through the silent cabin.

Ed moved quickly, maneuvering across the island to grab the gun. His heart pounded in his chest as he expertly dismantled the weapon. Walking back over to Jake, he pulled him up from the stool and secured handcuffs around his wrists.

"You did good, Jake." He praised, his voice soft as he watched tears roll down his face. "You did good." He gripped the other man by the back of the neck and pulled him into a quick hug before sitting him back down on stool.

Walking over to Noah, he crouched down and slipped the headphones off of his head. The boy's eyes lit up when he saw the man in front of him. "Tuck", he squealed, throwing his tiny arms around his neck as he dissolved into soft whimpers.

Standing up, he walked over to sit on the couch with him on his lap. "It's okay, I got you." Ed reassured, rubbing his large hand down his small back.

"You, you know him?" Jake asked, dumbfounded as he watched the two from across the room.

Ed nodded into Noah's shoulder. "I used to date his mom." The simple words caused realization to wash over Jake. "Hey, you're okay, No." he soothed, taking his small arms from around his neck and pressed his thumbs into the flesh of his tiny palms. His breathing began to regulate and his cries subsided at the feeling of the light pressure against the center of his hands. "There you go, sweet boy." He smiled, pressing his forehead to his.

"Is mommy here?" He hiccuped.

"She's here", he nodded, reaching under the neck of his vest for his wire. "Suspect is unarmed, detained, and cooperative. I will bring him out, send someone into get Noah."

Rising from the couch, Ed headed over to the front of the cabin just as Carisi was opening up the door. "Go to Sonny, No", Ed instructed softly as he patted his back.

"Hiya, pal", Carisi greeted with a crooked smile. "We sure are happy to see you." Once he had the boy in his arms, Carisi made a swift exit.

Walking over to Jake, he pulled him gently up from the stool and led him towards the front door by the crook of his arm. "You were talking about Noah before weren't you?"

"Yeah", he admitted.

Sniffling, Jake looked over at the other man. "I hope things work out between you and his mom. Because if I can't be in his life, it makes me feel better knowing that he has you."

"Thanks, man." he nodded with a small smile. They both stared at the closed door for a good moment before Ed ushered him outside.

* * *

Watching as the squad car carrying Jake disappear from sight, Ed turned around to see the huddle surrounding a reunited Olivia and Noah. Her eyes locked on his and she gently pushed passed her squad members, making her way over to him.

The smile that spread across her face as she reached him knocked the air from his lungs. Her cheeks lifted and her eyes shone with the remnants of happy tears. "Thank you, Ed", she whispered.

"All in a day's work." He replied, squinting his eyes as he looked passed her.

She couldn't help but chuckle at his modesty. "You're retired."

The corner of his mouth pulled up in his signature smirk. "Semantics." He shrugged.

Olivia bounced Noah on her hip lightly in an attempt to get him to loosen the clutch he had on her neck. "You want to say goodbye to Tuck before we head out, sweet boy?"

Untangling his arms from his mothers neck, he turned in her arms and reached for Ed. Despite the surprise present on his face, he accepted the boy without hesitation. "Are you coming to get pancakes with us, Tuck?" His little voice asked, his fingers fidgeting with the collar of Ed's heavy coat.

Uncertainty and a hint of awkwardness crossed his face as he looked from Noah to his mother. Olivia answered before he had the chance to. "Of course he can." She answered with a sweet smile. "If that's okay with him."

"More than okay."

* * *

Finding himself standing in Olivia Benson's apartment is not how he saw his day going when he woke up that morning but there he was. He shifted nervously from one foot to the other as his eyes surveyed the living area, trying to note anything that might've changed since the last time he was here.

When they got back into the city, Noah had asked if Ed could come home with them like he used to and neither of them had the heart to say no. He had stood in the doorway and watched Olivia give him a bath, something he used do when the boy was a toddler. And at Noah's request, he even read him a story and tucked him in. Something he had hoped to do every night in the past.

And now he was waiting while Olivia said her goodnights to her son. He saw the light disappear from the end of the hallway and heard the bedroom door creak shut.

Ed watched as she appeared from the hallway, leaning her back against the wall as her shaking hands ran through her hair. "You okay, Liv?" He asked taking a step to her.

As soon as the words left his mouth, she dissolved into a mess of sobs. He was there before she hit the ground, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her to his body. "I could've lost him." She sobbed, her hands clutching at the material of his shirt.

"Shhh, it's okay." He soothed into her hair. "He's here, he's safe."

They stood there like that for several moments, savoring the safety that they've been without for over a year. The safety they can only find in each other.

Pulling back, he pushed her hair away from her tear streaked face. "We got him." He reassured.

"You got him." She corrected, her wet eyes searching his face before falling to his mouth. She pressed her lips against his in a quick, chaste kiss before pulling back, their hot breathes mingling in the small space between them.

Olivia leaned in again but he stopped her, placing a gentle hand on the junction between her neck and shoulder. "Liv", he whispered, his blue eyes looking at her from under his brow bone as he leaned his forehead against hers. "I can't." He wanted her, badly, but not like this. Not because she was broken.

Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he untangled himself from her and grabbed his coat. "Ed", she called softly causing him to turn around in the foyer. "I didn't ask for the best, I asked for _you._ " She admitted, repeating Carisi's words from when he first arrived on scene earlier that day.

He nodded slowly, letting that piece of information sink in while he slipped on his coat. Then his eyes met her, every feeling he had from her spilling from the blue pools. "Thank you for trusting me."

She regarded him before giving him a warm smile. "With my life."

His heart ached at the familiar words. "I'll call you." He smirked before turning and exiting the apartment.

* * *

 **THE END!**

 **I hope you guys enjoyed this! I didn't have the heart to demonize Jake and I wanted to write a soft side of Tucker, I hope it was believable.**

 **Thabks for all the love! You guys are truly the best around! *hugs***


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